Title: The Beast

Starring: William Petersen, Karen Sillas

Directed By: Jeff Bleckner

Released: 1996

As with most crappy movies, you've already seen this one before. Only the title and characters have been changed (a horror from the sea makes everyone afraid to enter the water). Sound familiar? Can anybody say "Jaws?" I thought so.

But, at least it's not a total rip-off though, considering it was written by the same man who wrote the original "Jaws" (Peter Benchley). If I remember correctly, I think it's ok to copy your own work. Especially if you can't think of anything new to write.

The characters inspired so little emotion, it made us sick. I had very little care for these people, and each time someone was killed by "the beast," it meant nothing to me. Except for Spike and Chowder, but that's only because they made me laugh with their surfer ways. And the daughter. Yummy! But I wanted to backhand her for thinking she was in love with some guy that she'd only known for one or two days.

Anywho, I hated the way the screen would constantly fade out. I kept expecting there to be a commercial or something. And the beast itself, with all those tentacles, I was hoping for some kind of cthuloid, but it just turned out to be a really big [CENSORED]. Sorry, didn't mean to spoil it for you and ruin all the non-existant suspense. But I'm sure you'll be able to move on and find a way to live with yourself through this hardship. Well, c'est la vie.

Stays Crunchy Even In Milk...

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